Life at Curaga University
by BloodOrangeSoda
Summary: In a universe where the FFVIII and the FFVII kids go to college together, there exists a student chat room that remains the bane of Cloud Strife's existence. Mentions of Seifer/Quistis and Seifer/Cloud. Chat room style.


**Warnings**: Foul language, has elements of a sexual nature

**Disclaimer**: Neither FFVII nor FFVIII belongs to me.

**Notes**: Takes place in the hypothetical universe where the FFVII gang and the FFVIII gang attend the same college, Curaga University. Quistis and Cid are RAs of Balamb Hall and Shera Hall respectively, aaand that's all you need to know!

Mentions of Seifer/Quistis, Irvine/Selphie, and Seifer/Cloud.

(begin)

_**seiferalmasy **_has entered the chat.

**zelldincht**: awfuck.

**selphietilmitt**: seiferrr!

**renoturk**: I'm just saying a rocket laucher woulda been a lot more useful than any fucking potato cannon

**yuffiekisaragi**: hey! potato cannons are hella awesome! flaming potatoes. what else is there?

**seiferalmasy**: i don't think i've ever understood a single one of your conversations, you two.

**quististrepe**: A potato cannon, hm? Should that answer a few questions about how hard-boiled eggs splattered Balamb Hall as high up as the fourth floor?

**yuffiekisaragi**: no that was a trebuchet

**selphietilmitt**: that we had nothing to do with.

**yuffiekisaragi**: now that i think about it i have no idea how those eggs got up there

**selphietilmitt**: b/c we had nothing to do with it.

**seiferalmasy**: you guys are the subtlest.

**zelldincht**: where the hell did you guys find a trebuchet?

**selphietilmitt**: wut kind of engineering students do u think we r?

**yuffiekisaragi**: seriously! we have pride, dammit

**cidhighwind**: attagirls! that botball competition is in the fucking bag!

**quististrepe**: Whoever made you an RA was a very confused individual.

**cidhighwind**: your face is a very confused individual.

**zelldincht**: did you know that your initials sound out 'cutie' quistis? that must be why so many guiys hit on you

**renoturk**: you've seen shera hall, quistis. no one else would have taken the job but cid. i bet he was the last resort.

**quististrepe**: Why, I'm insulted, Zell. To think, the only reason boys like me is because of my initials.

**cidhighwind**: I'ma take that as a compliment ya douchewad.

**seiferalmasy**: isn't flirting with residents against the RA code?

**yuffiekisaragi**: you're one to talk mr. sex fiend

**seiferalmasy**: zip it, shortcake.

**selphietilmitt**: ooohhhhhhhhhh does every1 here know?

**seiferalmasy**: seriously. shut it.

**zelldincht**: know what?

**renoturk**: why, ms. quistis trepe. sounds like some inappropriate activities have been taking up your time late at night.

**cidhighwind**: man oh man, I never woulda seen that one coming. always thought she was too much of a sex-starved prude.

**seiferalmasy**: I'd like to point out that none of this is my fault.

**zelldincht**: wait, what? what areo u guys talking about?

**quististrepe**: Seifer, I will kill you.

**selphietilmitt**: seifer and quistis, sitting in a tree.

**seiferalmasy**: it's not my fucking fault!

**zelldincht**: EWWWWWW!

**yuffiekisaragi**: F-U-C-K-I-N-G!

**renoturk**: damn, seifer. i take back everything i've ever said behind your back about your lacking stamina and compensation for minimal penis size.

**selphietilmitt**: how do u know he doesn't have a tiny wiener?

**seiferalmasy**: that is the least sincere apology I have ever heard in my life.

**yuffiekisaragi**: yeah does fucking quistis make your penis grow? i'm confused

**quististrepe**: Language.

**cidhighwind**: seriously? after this whole conversation, that's what you're going to call them on?

**renoturk**: she fucked a resident. she can't really talk.

**zelldincht**: EW EW EW EW EW EW!

**seiferalmasy**: so not my fault.

**quististrepe**: Shut up, Seifer.

**seiferalmasy**: grow a pair, trepe.

**seiferalmasy**: and dincht.

**selphietilmitt**: a pair of wuts?

**seiferalmasy**: balls. for both of them.

**zelldincht**: shut up dickwad you slept with quisitis!

**renoturk**: yes, we have established that.

**cloudstrife**: You must have the whitest sex.

**selphietilmitt**: u mean actual skin tone, or like, vanilla sex?

**renoturk**: lolz, both.

**seiferalmasy**: banging Quistis is anything but vanilla.

**zelldincht**: shut up shut up shut up shut up!

**quististrepe**: Seifer!

**seiferalmasy**: how d'you think I kept her quiet so the guys next door wouldn't catch on?

**quististrepe**: SEIFER!

**renoturk**: you know that actually explains a lot.

**yuffiekisaragi**: oh wowww gags, quistis? I'm impressed

**renoturk**: rude kept telling me it was TV noise.

_**quististrepe **_has exited the chat.

**selphietilmitt**: seifer that was mean. u should apologize.

**cidhighwind**: you guys aren't going to report her, are you? she's a frigid bitch but at least she's banging hot so i don't get too fucking bored at ra meetings.

**renoturk**: course not.

**yuffiekisaragi**: we wouldn't!

**seiferalmasy**: as if, selph.

**zelldincht**: that's disgusting as hell but it's not like i care on a moral level. It's just… she did SEIFER? FUCKNASTY.

**selphietilmitt**: just knock on her door and say ur sorry.

**cidhighwind**: awesome.

**seiferalmasy**: chickenwuss half the school has done me. you're gonna be losing respect for a whole lot of people if that's such an issue for you.

**yuffiekisaragi**: besides you big foul-mouthed butthead if we were reporting RAs based on unprofessionalism you'd have been fired a long time ago

**zelldincht**: that can't possibly be true!

**selphietilmitt**: are u serious, seifer? WHOOOO?

**cidhighwind**: much obliged.

**seiferalmasy**: also, try not to let your glaring insecurities and crippling jealousy show so much. it makes you look fat.

**renoturk**: HAHAHAAHAAHAHA.

**zelldincht**: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE.

**seiferalmasy**: and selph? if you stuck me and quistis alone together again, 'apologizing' is not an adequate description of the end result.

**cidhighwind**: unless apologize is slang for 'stick his dick in her cunt'.

**yuffiekisaragi**: omg do you have stds seifer?

**selphietilmitt**: yeah i mean if u get laid as much as u claim ur prolly crawling with disese by now.

**seiferalmasy**: i use protection, shortcake.

**renoturk**: if you gave me syphilis I will kill you.

**seiferalmasy**: make that shortcakes, plural.

**zelldincht**: OH MY GOD BLEACH I NEED BRAIN BLEACH.

**yuffiekisaragi**: you fucked seifer?

**selphietilmitt**: you touched reno with your bare hands?

**seiferalmasy**: it was in the shower. i figured the germs would wash off.

**cidhighwind**: i think that's my cue to say something about that being a misuse of school property.

**zelldincht**: i think that's my cue t o KILL MYSELF IN THE HEAD.

**seiferalmasy**: you are such a virgin, chickenwuss.

**yuffiekisaragi**: ok now I'm curious. who here has fucked seifer?

**zelldincht**: am not!

**renoturk**: meeee, obvi.

**zelldincht**: NOT ME EVER IN A MILLION YEARS..

**cidhighwind**: sorry to disappoint but i don't swing that way.

**selphietilmitt**: u know my irvy's the only man 4 me!

**yuffiekisaragi**: huhh. that's disappointing. i'm not impressed, seifer

**seiferalmasy**: you're picking from a selective pool here.

**renoturk**: wellll?

**selphietilmitt**: sure, seifer. wutever u say.

**cidhighwind**: well what?

**seiferalmasy**: you're going to get us both killed, turk.

**renoturk**: oh this is just too good.

**yuffiekisaragi**: whaaaaaat? what are you guys talking about?

**cidhighwind**: no fucking way.

**renoturk**: THERE ARE NO WORDS.

**seiferalmasy**: what is it about _we're going to die_ that you don't understand?

**cidhighwind**: i don't believe it.

**zelldincht**: huh?

**selphietilmitt**: tell me tell me tell me tell me!

**renoturk**: chocobo-head hasn't said anything.

**seiferalmasy**: THIS IS NOT MY FAULT. FMYLIFE.

**yuffiekisaragi**: omg CLOUD?

**renoturk**: it's kind of like watching a bicycle crash into a brick wall.

**seiferalmasy**: YOU ARE THE BICYCLE, RENO. YOU.

**selphietilmitt**: awww that's so CUUUUUTE!

**cidhighwind**: what's the brick wall?

**zelldincht**: wait no way cloud ever fucked seifer…

**seiferalmasy**: MY FIST.

**cloudstrife**: I don't blame you.

**selphietilmitt**: …

**cidhighwind**: really, selph?

**selphietilmitt**: i'm sry, the silence went on 4 so long it needed 2 b illustrated.

**yuffiekisaragi**: verbalized

**seiferalmasy**: seriously?

**cloudstrife**: To perfect the bicycle metaphor, it's more like you're the bicyclist and Reno just shot through your tires.

**renoturk**: hahaa, lolz.

**cidhighwind**: which one is the brick wall in this metaphor?

**cloudstrife**: That would be _my_ fist.

**renoturk**: OHM GEE NEGATIVE LOLZ NEGATIVE LOLZ.

**seiferalmasy**: this is the greatest day of my life.

**yuffiekisaragi**: aw cloud's gonna beat up reno! don't kill him, cloud

**selphietilmitt**: i think zell's brain broke.

**cidhighwind**: yeah, fucker owes me way too much money.

**renoturk**: GOTTA GO. HEADED FOR THE HILLS.

_**renoturk **_has exited the chat.

**seiferalmasy**: you're not actually going to beat him up, are you.

**cloudstrife**: The anticipation alone should be sufficient punishment.

**selphietilmitt**: oh man, evil genius.

**yuffiekisaragi**: i feel like a kitten being faced by a wolf or a lioness or a zamboni or something

**cidhighwind**: blah blah blah, no beating up the other rezzes, rules, punishment, moral codes, all that shit.

**seiferalmasy**: fulfilling your sacred RA duties, highwind?

**yuffiekisaragi**: it's very convincing

**cidhighwind**: when turk kills himself out of schizophrenia and paranoia, you all can tell the truth when you say i made sure he knew he was safe.

**selphietilmitt**: he's already gone.

**cidhighwind**: well, fuck that, then.

**selphietilmitt**: srsly guys i think zell is broken.

**seiferalmasy**: so?

**selphietilmitt**: so someone should go check on him.

**seiferalmasy**: well that's just not happening.

**cloudstrife**: No.

**yuffiekisaragi**: virtual nose game!

**selphietilmitt**: cid?

**cidhighwind**: dammit. fine. I'll go make sure our little ducky isn't sobbing in a dusty corner somewhere. y'all owe me.

**_cidhighwind _**has exited the chat.

**seiferalmasy**: so this is what it would be like if highwind were a responsible RA.

**yuffiekisaragi**: it's kinda unsettling

**selphietilmitt**: poor reno.

**seiferalmasy**: bitch deserves it.

**cloudstrife**: I'm going now. Bye.

**seiferalmasy**: alright, be seeing you.

**yuffiekisaragi**: bye cloud!

**selphietilmitt**: ttyl.

**_cloudstrife _**has exited the chat.

**selphietilmitt**: ohhhh myyyyy godddddd.

**yuffiekisaragi**: spill!

**seiferalmasy**: I was wondering why you two were being so calm about the whole matter.

**selphietilmitt**: um, duh, we didn't want cloud 2 kill us for being nosy.

**yuffiekisaragi**: how many times did have you done it with him?

**selphietilmitt**: is he any good?

**yuffiekisaragi**: did you get him to suck you off?

**selphietilmitt**: did u suck him off?

**yuffiekisaragi**: how big is his dick?

**selphietilmitt**: how big is UR dick?

**yuffiekisaragi**: is he a good kisser?

**selphietilmitt**: i bet he's a hellcat in the bedroom.

**seiferalmasy**: holy shit. is this really what girls talk about after hookups?

**yuffiekisaragi**: did you fuck him?

**selphietilmitt**: omigod what position?

**yuffiekisaragi**: how many times did you/he get off?

**yuffiekisaragi**: are there pictures?

**selphietilmitt**: did u cuddle after?

**seiferalmasy**: yeah, this is not happening.

**selphietilmitt**: u jerk!

**yuffiekisaragi**: TELL US TELL US TELLLLLL

_**seiferalmasy **_has exited the chat.


End file.
